Twilight: Wife Swap
by Adamgerd
Summary: What happens when in a moment of stupidity, Emmet and his "adopted" siblings sign Esme up to the wife swap and get accepted? Rated T, because I am paranoid
1. Application

No One's POV

"Hey, guys I have an Idea" Emmett tells the others

"What is it" everyone else asks

"Let's do wife swap" emmet answers"

"But, if we get caught, we'll be grounded for a month" everyone else except Alice replies

"Wait, guys we won't get caught" Alice replies

Everyone replies "Oh ok, Let's do the application"

 **PART 1- BASIC INFORMATION**

Today's Date: 12/04/2108

Name: Carlisle Cullen (32)

Children Names:

Edward Cullen (19)

Alice Swan (19)

Jasper Hale (20)

Rosalie Hale (19)

Emmett Cullen (19)

Bella Swan (19)

Jacob Black (21)

Renesmee Swan (18)

Wife Name:

Esme Cullen (32)

Marital Status: M If married, how many years? 11

10. **MOTHER:**

Are you currently:

_ Working Full Time _ Working Part Time _ Unemployed X Stay-at-home

Current occupation: Current employer:

Work Schedule:

 **FATHER:**

Are you currently:

X Working Full Time _ Working Part Time _ Unemployed _ Stay-at-home

Current occupation: Doctor Current employer: Forks Hospital

Work Schedule: 7-7

How did you hear about our search for families to be on the show?

Watching "Wife Swap"

X Television

Radio

Newspaper

Other, explain_

 **PART 2- HOUSEHOLD INFORMATION**

What is the closest major airport to your home?

Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport

How long have you been living at your current home?

1 year

Do you: X own or _rent your home? If you have a landlord or if you are a part of a homeowners association or condo association, please include their contact information:

Please describe your home: apartment, house, number of bedrooms, number of stories, etc.

Mansion, 4 Floors, 4 Bedrooms with double beds, 2 Bedrooms with single beds

Who wears the pants and why?

Carlisle Cullen, because he works

Who takes care of the following responsibilities in your family?

Child Care:

Esme

Cleaning:

Everyone

Money:

Carlisle

Shopping:

Alice

Cooking:

Esme

Kid's Homework:

Emmet asks "Wait, kids don't have to do their homework"

Edward replies "They should. Just write kids"

Emmet replies "Fine"

Kids

Planning Social Life:

Emmett asks "Alice"

Jacob nods as does Edward.

Emmett replies "Alice, it is"

Alice

Do you have any Pets? How many? What Type? Do they have free reign of the house?

Rosalie asks "Emmett, write a dog"

Jacob Replies "No way"

Emmet answers "Sure, Rosalie"

Dog/Wolf. Controlled by Renesmee

Jacob replies "I hate you, Emmett, I hate you"

Describe dinnertime in your family. Do you go out? Do you cook? Where do you eat – at the table or in front of the tv?

Emmet asks "What should I write, apart from the truth?"

Jasper replies "Like normal families, we eat at the dining table"

Emmett replies "Ok"

We eat at the dining table

How would you describe your diet? Do you allow junk food and soda in your home? What restrictions are there, if any?

Emmet says "Animal Blood"

Edward says "No, don't write blood write vegetarian. We're human not vampires"

Alice asks "But we're not vegetarians"

Bella replies 'Well technically we're vegetarian vampires, so write vegetarian, Emmet, ok?"

Emmet answers "Ok"

Vegetarian

What is your daily routine? Are you a scheduled family?

N/A

How do you spend your evenings? Weekends?

Alone, really

How do you discipline your children? Please give specific details and why this is important to you as a parent?

We don't discipline them much, as we think they should learn on their own from mistakes

What rules must your children follow? Are you strict parents? Do your children have strict bedtimes, curfews and censors on TV/music etc..?

They can go to 'Bed' whenever they want, do whatever they want

What makes your family unique? Why should your family be chosen?

All of our children are adopted and have mostly tragic backgrounds. They have relationships, but we find it ok, as they're not biologically related

What would your family be able to teach another family?

How to have fun

 **PART 3- LIFESTYLE INFORMATION**

How would you describe your relationship with your partner?

We're deeply in love forever and would do anything for them

How would you and your spouse describe your relationship with your kids?

Good Relationship, though sometimes rocky, as they're all adopted

Does religion and alternative lifestyles/practices play a part in your family's life? If so how?

No, not really. We're christians though

What role do art and culture play in your life (i.e. attending museums, the theatre, opera, ballet, etc…)?

Minor role

Are you willing to share your thoughts and feelings and enforce your rules on another family? Why or why not?

Partially, we'll give them "fun rules", so they might be different

Are you both ready, willing and able to do the show? Why or why not?

Yes, because the show is very cool

How many episodes of "Wife Swap" have you seen together as a family?

None _

A few episodes here and there _

A full season X

I've never missed an episode. _

Other – please explain. _

How do you manage the household budget? What best describes your family and why? Big Spenders or Penny Pinchers?

We have a combined salary of 5,000,000$ per year and so we don't really care about how much our children spend. We are big spenders.

What pushes your buttons? Both in your family and in general.

When people disrespect me and my mate, Esme and my family in general.

What is your household philosophy?

Have fun in life.

What was your upbringing like? What were you like as a small child? How are you different from the way you were in high school?

Abused by my father, so eloped with my mate Esme at the age of 21 and am now much more calm than in High School

Is there any feuding in your immediate or extended family? If so, please elaborate.

Yes, sometimes, between the different couples, especially between Rosalie and Jacob

Have you or anyone in your immediate family been adopted? Have you or anyone in your immediate family placed a child up for adoption? If so, have you ever tried to contact your mother/child? What was the result?

All of my children are adopted

 **PART 4- BACKGROUND INFORMATION**

Has anyone in the family ever received advice and support from any outside agency like Social Services, or a counsellor, therapist, etc. If so, has this helped? Why/why not?

No

If you were selected to be part of "Wife Swap," could you take off work (up to 10 days)?

Mother: Yes X No_

Father: Yes_ No X

Have you ever used recreational drugs?

Mother: Yes_ No X

Father: Yes_ No X

If yes, explain (What drugs, how long ago, etc):

Are you on prescription medication?

Mother: Yes_ No X

Father: Yes_ No X

Children: Yes_ No X

If yes, explain:

Do you, your spouse or your children have any allergies, existing heart conditions, or any other physical impairment? If yes, explain:

No

Do you or your children have any limitations that would affect being able to participate in physical activity? If so, what?

No

Have you or any of your children been diagnosed or treated for behavioural or developmental disorders or disabilities? (i.e. ADD/ADHD; learning difficulties; autistic spectrum, etc.)

No

Have you ever been arrested or charged with a crime of any type?

Mother: Yes_ No X

Father: Yes_ No_

If so, please give dates and details (include the outcome):

Have you ever been convicted of any crime?

Mother: Yes_ No X

Father: Yes_ No X

If so, please give dates and details (including sentence or other disposition):

Have you ever had a restraining order issued against you; or had to have one issued against another person?

Mother: Yes_ No X

Father: Yes_ No X

If so, please give dates and details:

Have you ever been been treated by a mental health professional? If so, what for?

No

Have you ever filed for bankruptcy or chapter 11?

Mother: Yes_ No X

Father: Yes_ No X

If yes, please explain:

Have you ever been a performer, participant, or contestant on television, radio or film?

Mother: Yes_ No X

Father: Yes_ No X

If yes, what programs and dates:

List all instances where you have appeared on any reality, competition or game show:

Are you currently under consideration by any other show? Please provide a list of all shows you've applied for in the past year:

What is **Mother's** highest level of education? PHD

Degree(s): English, Architect, Interior Decorator

School(s) attended: _

Are you a legal resident of the United States? Yes X No_

Have you ever been divorced? Yes_ No X

If so, what date(s) was/were your divorce(s) final?

What is **Father's** highest level of education? PHD

Degree(s): Medicine, Biology, Physicology

School(s) attended: _

Are you a legal resident of the United States? Yes X No_

Have you ever been divorced? Yes_ No X

If so, what date(s) was/were your divorce(s) final?

Emmett asks "So should we send it now"

The others answer "Send it, now"

Emmett replies "Okidoki. I will go to the mail now and send it"

A/N: I know this chapter was short, but it's just the application


	2. Letter

Mail

Carlisle POV

Strange, a letter in the mail box, for me? from Wife Swap Productions? Whst?! I ask Esme "Look, a letter for me from Wife Swap?". I hand Esme the letter and she looks it over. We open it and it reads

"Dear Cullens,

Your application was accepted. A limousine will come tomorrow, monday at 7:00 am and Esme will fly to Forks, and you will switch with the Voux family and so Madame Voux will be here tomorrow at 2:30 PM.

Best Of Luck,

Wife Swap Productions"

She then replies "What, this doesn't make any sense, if you or me didn't do it, then...". We both realize who did this at the same time and simultaneously shout upstairs "Kids, come down here immediately". They reply "Coming" and race down using superspeed.

Emmett's POV

Carlisle and Esme called us to come down and we immediately all knew, that we're busted. They discovered the letter. We replied "Coming and ran down". We replied "Hi, why did you call us?". Carlisle was suspicious and showed us the incriminating letter. I accidentally slipped and replied "Yes, we were accepted." Luckily I soon collected myself and answered "Wait, what is this." Carlisle asked us "So do you know anything about this letter". We answered "No, what is that". Carlisle asked us if we were positive and we finally admitted the truth. He asked who was the instigator and I to share the blame admitted it was me. He asked us if it was such a good idea to be with a **Human** mother and for Esme to be with a **Human** family. We thought about it and then replied "Yeah, we meant it as a prank. It was pretty stupid. Sorry, we're so sorry."

Carlisle's POV

I wasn't angry, but i was very disappointed with their poor judgement. Oh well, I'll have to be 2 weeks without Esme. I then said "As it would be suspicious to quit, we'll continue. However you are grounded after the swap for a month. Understood." They replied "Sir, Yes, Sir". I then replied "You are dismissed. Leave immediately" and they left. When i was sure they were quiet, I looked at my beloved Esme and asked "Are you sure, you can do this. We could move?" She replies "I don't really like being 2 weeks alone, but I can do this. I'll hunt today to be full, tommorow". I reply "Ok".

Esme's POV

Oh, I was disappointed with my children's poorly thought out plan. I had to leave my husband for 2 weeks. Oh well, I'll have to hunt soon. Alice suddenly appears and asks us "If we want to see the tape. I am suddenly curios and with Carlisle ask about it. Emmett says "Movie Time" and we start watching tape

Emmet's POV

I und=say "Movie Night" and we watch the tape. I, acing Carlisle's accent, introduce the family to the viewers. I say "Hi, my name is Carlisle, I work most of the day at the local hospital and am the husband of my beloved Esme Cullen. That's Esme, she loves cooking food is my beautiful wife and is sterile. So we adopted our kids. This is Edward, he was the first one, I adopted after he was injured in a Car Crash. We then adopted Jasper and Rosalie. They were twins and both don't like to talk about their past. This is Emmett Cullen, my favorite son, He nearly died after being mauled by a bear. Next we have Bella and Alice. They are sisters. Bella liked extreme sports, but after a failed suicide was adopted. Alice is a shopaholic and was adopted after her parents were killed. Next is Jacob. His father was a close friend and so when his father died, we adopted him. Last we have Renesmee, she was the younger sister of Bella and Alice and was attacked by a rogue wolf and nearly killed. This is my family. I hope you choose us". Carlisle is surprised and asks me, how I managed to do his accent. I just shrug and say "Practice"

Esme's POV

I also think about that we should all hunt qas we'll be next to Humans. I shout "Family. We all have to hunt. So let's go hunt". They all agree and we hunt. I drink 3 grey wolfs. Ah, at least better than elk blood. We hunt for a long time until everyone is filled.

A/N: Next the first day of the swap will begin. See you then


	3. Cullen's House

A/N: I hope you enjoy

Madame Voux POV:

I call out to my twins "Bye Loup and Bye Diana.". I have a male and a female. They both have amber eyes and are blonde. I then call out to my husband "Bye James". I am French, while he is British. They all reply "Bye Madame Voux.". I then reply "Remember to listen and respect your new mother, unless it's in contradiction with our monthly night of Fun. Don't worry either, you are **only human!** " I then leave my family in the Limousine and travel to New Orleans in the US. Oh, I already miss those little pups and for 2 weeks.

Esme's POV:

Yesterday's Hunt was great. I am excited a bit to help another family, but mainly sad, as I won't see my family for 2 weeks. I call out to my children "Bye Bella, Bye Edward, Bye Jacob, Bye Renesmee, Bye Rosalie, Bye Emmett, Bye Alice and Bye Jasper". My husband is in mock indignation "What about me?!. I turn to face him and reply"Obviously I loved you, I just saved the best for last". He stutters a bit and then replies "I know. You would never leave me. Bye." We then kiss. After that the children say "Bye". I then remind them "Remember act human around her. We don't want her to know about us or the volturi might just eliminate us. So eat food, sleep, etc. Have fun. See you in 2 weeks. Also listen to her and no pranks! Bye." I then walk out to the Limousine, where the driver tells me, we're going to France, Outskirts of Paris. ...

Madame Voux POV:

We go through New Orleans to the woods and I suddenly get scared that we lost directions, but the chauffeur assures me it's fine and i decide who knows where a needy family lives. We go closer and my jaw drops. They have a huge house even larger than mine, no a mansion. I instantly change my belief to them being spoiled brats with a father who is never around and no discipline. No wonder they need my help. Oh well I enter the house. _"Well this is a surprise, Why they need so many floors. I don't know"._ I first enter a room, which I think is the living room and see a huge plasma TV. I then go upstairs and into the first room. I look at the bed and the music cd's and records. I wonder what he, is listening to and see mainly classical, a big surprise. _"This person is evidently spoiled. I mean look at how many cd's and record's he has."_ I go into the closet and see girl and boy clothes. I am confused, before when I go back into the room, I realize that the other half has a lot of books, mainly romantic novels. _"Obviously there's another person here too and she's spoiled in books."_ I then look into the second room and the closet is the same. I am surprised that the girl has car magazines. I then enter the 3rd room. I am outraged and say so to the cameras. _"A teenager has a gun and strangely, flags from the confederate side. Who would give a gun, even without ammo to a teenager?!"_ It is strange that the flags are from the confederate side. This person also has a lot of books about the civil war. Evidently, the person is obsessed with it. What makes me miffed is that there's an award to Jasper Whitlock for being the youngest major in the texas army. I wonder if it's some relative and that would explain the confederate flags. On the other side in a closet, the same thing, Male and Female Clothes together, although the female has a lot more clothes. I look at a price tag of the female and it's 1500$. " _Wow. 1500$ for clothes. The family is probably in huge debt."_ Man that family is spoilt. This will be hard to unspoil them, but I do help the needy. I then go up the floor to the 3rd floor and go into the bedroom. Looks very refined and old-fashioned. I think it's the parent bedroom and say so to the cameras. Then I go to the next bedroom. There are 2 single beds on different sides. On the one side, there are spare car parts and car magazines, definitely a boy. On the other side, there's purple and some jewellry. Just to make sure, I check the closets and there are men and woman clothes. This pattern is strange. _"I wonder why the girl and boy clothes are in one cupboard"_. I then look out the window and see a swimming pool. This family is very spoilt. I then go downstairs to the basement into the garage and holy god...

A/N: Next time, I will do the introduction to the voux house. See you then


	4. AN

Due to exams, there will be a 2 week hiatus


End file.
